Falling Apart

I've never thought it would be so hard to do what I thought that was right. I've never thought that leaving you would take my peace away. I've never thought that telling you would make me feel worse. I've never thought that it would take me of the ground. Now, everything is falling apart, the world seems to be crashing at my feet. I'm falling into pieces. Pieces that I've been trying to put back together. All the songs I listen now make me think of you. Of how wrong I was. But I had no choice! I mean, you were pushing too hard. You were trying too much to make me feel the way you feel that I just couldn't feel that at all. And you never understood why, and probably still don't understand why I ran away. I ran away to not hurt you more, to not make you feel even more what you were already feeling. But I was wrong. Pushing you away, running away, just made you feel that even more because you started missing me. And I started missing you. But I don't want it. I don't want to be with you because I'm sure that at some point I will have to let you go. And that's my biggest fear. So I stopped it before it went too far. But now here I am, falling apart, falling into pieces, wondering "Did it Worth all the pain?"

The Worst Person In The World.

Long nights, days pass by and all what happened still doesn't make any sense. All our fights and tries of getting along are just senseless to me. And this afternoon was the most painful to me. I was sitting there, by your side, while you played the guitar. While you played that song. And then my mind pulled me into a dark room full of memories. All we said, all we did, everything was there. I got lost in the middle of so many thoughts about us. Your laugh, your smell, your way of acting like a clown when I was angry just to make me laugh. And then I caught myself thinking: I should've been stronger. I can't believe I let you go. I let you walk away. Then, suddenly you stopped playing. I didn't realize why until I noticed that I was crying. I was crying over all the pain I made you feel. What you did? You just hugged me, you didn't said a word, you knew I didn't wanna hear anything. And one more time my mind screamed to me: I should've been stronger. I should've held on tightly. I should've never let you go. I should've stopped you in the moment you turned your back to walk away. I should've stopped me from saying to you that You didn't mean a thing to me. But I didn't. And even like this you were there this afternoon, holding me, hugging me. You didn't let go. And that made me feel like the worst person in the world.