It was only, just a dream...

You Knocked me down, caught me by surprise, The world stopped. There was no need of saying a thing, just the sound of our hearts beating faster and faster as we got closer and closer was enough. Breathless, shameless, speechless.
It was real love, simple, pure and perfect. I could see everything as it was supposed to be seen. Hands shaking, I needed to catch my breath. I wanted to run away. I wanted to stay. I wanted it. My head was spending around, no thought seemed a thought. No feeling seemed real. No explanation would explain anything. There was no reason, just heart. There was no me or you, just us. And then it happened.
I woke up.
Breathing fast, not really getting it, shaking, scared, thinking about what just happened. Or seemed to have happened. Then, thousands of feelings, images, thoughts came to my mind. And I understood. There was no you. No me. And that was what bothered me. What made me cry. Knowing that it was just a dream, a wish played in my mind as a truth. A hope. A " us " that will never exist. A  "me and you " that did not come true.
It was just me dreaming about you, one more time, once again.

Falling Apart

I've never thought it would be so hard to do what I thought that was right. I've never thought that leaving you would take my peace away. I've never thought that telling you would make me feel worse. I've never thought that it would take me of the ground. Now, everything is falling apart, the world seems to be crashing at my feet. I'm falling into pieces. Pieces that I've been trying to put back together. All the songs I listen now make me think of you. Of how wrong I was. But I had no choice! I mean, you were pushing too hard. You were trying too much to make me feel the way you feel that I just couldn't feel that at all. And you never understood why, and probably still don't understand why I ran away. I ran away to not hurt you more, to not make you feel even more what you were already feeling. But I was wrong. Pushing you away, running away, just made you feel that even more because you started missing me. And I started missing you. But I don't want it. I don't want to be with you because I'm sure that at some point I will have to let you go. And that's my biggest fear. So I stopped it before it went too far. But now here I am, falling apart, falling into pieces, wondering "Did it Worth all the pain?"

The Worst Person In The World.

Long nights, days pass by and all what happened still doesn't make any sense. All our fights and tries of getting along are just senseless to me. And this afternoon was the most painful to me. I was sitting there, by your side, while you played the guitar. While you played that song. And then my mind pulled me into a dark room full of memories. All we said, all we did, everything was there. I got lost in the middle of so many thoughts about us. Your laugh, your smell, your way of acting like a clown when I was angry just to make me laugh. And then I caught myself thinking: I should've been stronger. I can't believe I let you go. I let you walk away. Then, suddenly you stopped playing. I didn't realize why until I noticed that I was crying. I was crying over all the pain I made you feel. What you did? You just hugged me, you didn't said a word, you knew I didn't wanna hear anything. And one more time my mind screamed to me: I should've been stronger. I should've held on tightly. I should've never let you go. I should've stopped you in the moment you turned your back to walk away. I should've stopped me from saying to you that You didn't mean a thing to me. But I didn't. And even like this you were there this afternoon, holding me, hugging me. You didn't let go. And that made me feel like the worst person in the world.

Silence...

I know when it's time to stop. I know when what I say doesn't matter anymore. I'll be quite so I won't hurt anybody. Seeing people cry makes my heart bleed. But everything I say just seems to make the things worse and worse. When I say something my words seem to hurt you even more. I tried to make it easier for you. I tried to say what you wanted to hear and it was working, but it came to a point where I cannot say what you want anymore. And now I realized I should have done it from the start. I should have told you what was on my mind but I was afraid of hurting you. But now here I am, hurting without intend. So, from now and on, the silence will be my best friend.

I'm Fighting Against it...

I don't wanna get hurt, I don't wanna have to put my heart back together one more time. But this feeling keeps coming around and it makes me want you, desire you. It messes up with my mind, but now I'm fighting against it, I'm learning how to control it. And I know that if I try really hard this feeling is gonna go away. But there's something that stops me all the time. And that's you. Everytime I'm almost over you, you come around, with that sad look in your eyes, asking me to not forget. And it knocks down all my walls, and the feeling comes again, each time stronger. You know what you're doing and you know where you can get with it. Or could. Because now I'm fighting against it and I'm gonna be the winner this time. The same tricks that once fooled me, well they won't get you anywhere. And this time I'm not gonna be shaked, I'm not gonna let this feeling out. You'll go back to the place you came from because I'm better off without you and I'm fighting against it.

Long Nights..

I can't sleep. And I wonder why. But I know the answer, it's you. Since you came in to my life and made me feel safe again, showed me that life can be pretty even after a big disappointment with you came long nights without sleep. Nights that I spend thinking if I make you feel the same way, wondering what is going on in your mind everytime you look at me. And with these questions without answers my sleep goes away and I start writing things, making songs untill my ideas disappear and I finally get to bed. But then, you follow me into my dreams, you keep showing me that I won't forget you so easy and you will make everything you can to make sure I won't stop thinking of you. And in these nights without end I feel terrible and at the same time amazing and safe. And that's what scares me. These doubts about you. This questions I'm afraid to ask.

I'll Never Forget...

Everything is gone, there's nothing else but blurry memories and pictures of us. But I can remember everything perfectly. I can remember your smell, your touch, your laugh, how you acted weirdly when you were nervous. But for some reason I can't remember your face. And I blame myself for it. How could I forget about your face? But this is not what keeps in my mind, blurring my eyes, making me cry. What makes me feel so terrible is the fact that I know what we had was enough but for stupid little fights we lost it. And that's what I'll never forget.